Ever since I can remember, I always felt this relentless need to spend my day productively, even on weekends. I have this habit (or addiction?) of cramming my schedule with back-to-back meetings or focused work blocks. If I have some free time, Ill read case studies or business books. Honestly, I’d make an amazing employee but a pretty chaotic human.
I did something different last weekend which feel liberating. I left a big empty slot in my calendar on both weekends, deleted my social media app, and unsubscribed Netflix. (Honestly it’s a pretty big move for me to unsubscribe Netflix, because I’m living on it every meal time).
I’d like to believe that I managed to do even more things because of that! I started with a big cup of homemade coffe, drag my lazy ass to run, cooked lunch, visited a Social Enterprise bookshop that donates their revenue to girls education in Nepal, run some errands, and did some writing.
It’s honestly very uncomfortable to ONLY be with myself for both weekends. But, I really appreciated the time I gave myself to feel lonely. The time and space I decided to give to myself have helped me look at things in ways I would’ve never imagined. The loud noise in my head that usually needed distraction, started to slow down after I look at them more intently and kindly. And that’s where learning takes place! I also absorbed things much faster.
Before I decided to do nothing, I was so frustrated with myself for not learning or growing or “doing enough”. But I didn’t actually give myself enough time and space to explore what I love doing, or give myself enough room to explore my ideas or thoughts. So maybe all I need was perspective, openness, time, and space.
The funny thing is, when I stopped doing just anything, everything start looking much better, more fun and enjoyable.
I figured I really enjoyed writing, which I’ve always doubted my ability to write. I used to dislike bland food too, but when I got bored and become curious and taste food with more intention, I can taste more things that I used to not taste before.
In the analogy of a dish, I always cooked my dishes (and life) to be super packed with tons of ingredients that nothing really stood out. Everything was so overpowering and I got so confused without realising I’m confused. When I started to zoom out and be more intentional with the things I put in my dishes, the ingredients gel much more beautifully creating this harmonious dish. That said, the ingredient I might add more in my life is actually boredom hahaha because it helps me be creative and look at things differently. And I might also add intention, time, and space.
Of course, for me to reach this conclusion, this is also a luxury on it’s own. Not many people can have the time or (mental) space to spend their time doing “nothing”. But you might want to give it a try. It’s a quiet battle of me vs myself and honestly, Im winning this.
With love,
Michelle
